Jagerbombs and Tears
by iEvenstarEstel
Summary: The sequel to "Champagne and Tears". It's Connor's stag night and the return of Drunk!Connor.


**Title**: Jagerbombs and Tears **  
Author**: Evenstar Estel **  
Rating**: M **  
Characters**/**Pairing**: Connor/Abby. Danny, Becker, Lester. **  
Spoilers**: Series 4, AU. **  
Genre**: Romance, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, Smut. **  
Summary**: The sequel to "Champagne and Tears". It's Connor's stag night and the return of Drunk!Connor. **  
Author's Note**: Thanks to Casy Dee for the beta!

Jägerbombs and Tears  
2011 Evenstar Estel

"Here are the rules. Just beer. Keep him away from champagne specifically as well as all liquor. We both know he's an easy mark, so you behave or you'll answer to me. You're his friends and he trusts you. Don't you dare disappoint him by getting him into a situation where he could get embarrassed or arrested. Got it?" said Abby, hands on hips and eyes as hard as steel. Danny had the good sense not to look in to those eyes, half expecting her menacing gaze to turn him to stone. He stood with Becker in the doorway of Connor and Abby's flat on the receiving end of the riot act. He wished Connor would hurry up. Being on the wrong side of Abby Maitland, soon to be Temple, was a very dangerous and terrifying prospect. The delicate diamond ring on her finger sparkled, belying her tough exterior. She was very protective when it came to Connor, even after all these years. "And you!"

Danny breathed a sigh of relief when she shifted her attention to Becker. "Yes Abigail?" Becker said in an uncharacteristically meek tone.

"It's your job to protect him. Don't let him go wandering off by himself. Don't let anyone strange get near him..."

"Abby, he's not twelve years old," interjected Danny. She silenced him with a withering look. She turned back to Becker.

"Do I have your word you'll keep him safe?"

"Of course. Nothing will happen to him, he's with us," promised Becker. Abby sniffed derisively. Connor came rushing up behind her, pulling his jacket on and dropping a hat on his head.

"Ready!" he exclaimed, giving Abby's bottom a swat and a peck on her cheek. "Don't wait up!"

"Ah ah ah!" said Abby, grabbing his arm as she breezed past her. "Not so fast. You call that a kiss goodbye?" Connor smiled at her affectionately and wrapped his arm around her waist. He pressed his lips to hers and slipped his tongue inside her mouth. The kiss went on for a little longer than necessary. When Abby opened her eyes to narrow little slits and looked past Connor to their two friends, Becker and Danny felt their balls shrink. Abby broke off the kiss and immediately changed her expression to one of sweetness and love. She smiled at Connor. "Behave tonight."

"Of course, love."

"And have a good time. Don't drink too much."

Connor smiled back at her. "I will. And I won't. Have a nice time with Jess. Love you."

"I love you too." She gave him a cute little wave and sent him on his way, but not before shooting the other two men another intent look. If Connor got into any trouble she'd have their heads. Connor hopped into the front passenger seat of the 4WD and smiled at Abby as Becker drove them away. Abby went back into the flat to await Jess's arrival for a girly night of pizza and movies. The young tech was spending most of her free time packing up her flat in anticipation of moving in with Becker into a new place they'd just bought together. Everyone's lives now had room to think about things such as buying flats, getting marred and having a stag night with your best mates. Abby and Connor's wedding was taking place the following Saturday and then they'd be off on a honeymoon in the Mediterranean. After they'd stopped Philip Burton from exploiting the anomalies and potentially destroying the future, life had been downright serene. No one thought it a shame that Burton has been _accidentally_ lost in the Jurassic. Shortly after, Danny had permanently returned from his travels through time. He'd found his brother safe and happy in Victorian England, but 21st century London was his home. Since then Connor had been allowed the peace and time needed to solve the enigma of the anomalies. The ARC's work now consisted entirely of research and conservation. Creature incursions were a thing of the past, but trips were sometimes made to the other side of anomalies. Connor nor Abby never ventured through, forever wary by virtue of their year of isolation in the Cretaceous. Most of the creatures had been returned to their natural time and place, save for Rex, Sid and Nancy who were far too domesticated to survive in their original environments. They were safe with Connor and Abby. Life was very good and promised to get better. Abby smiled and awaited her friend.

!*!*!

Connor cheered and downed the last of his beer as the game ended and his home team from Lancashire successfully beat the one from London. He didn't often go to football games, but this match up happened so rarely that it was too good a chance to pass up, especially since it coincided with his stag night. He was feeling a little buzzed, but the four beers he'd had over the course of the game weren't affecting him much at all. Danny grumbled over his team's loss the entire way to the pub where they met Matt for dinner and more beers. Connor downed roast beef with potatoes and Yorkshire pudding and two full pints of ale. They stayed in the pub for three hours laughing, drinking and telling stories from the ARC's past. Matt left them after the pub, eager to return to his latest experiment with plant specimens from the late Pliocene.

The afternoon and evening had been fun and relaxing. Connor spent most of his time with Abby and liked it that way, but it was good to get out with the guys. As the night wore on they found themselves in front of a large building. The facade was dark polished wood. The marquee above indicated precisely what sort of establishments this was.

"Guys? What we doing here?" Connor asked nervously. He didn't think Abby would approve of him visiting a strip club.

"Waiting for Lester," replied Danny.

"Lester! You invited Lester to my stag night?"

"Course, he's your friend isn't he?"

"I... I suppose. But he barely tolerates me. Would he even want to come?" As if on cue a dark colored Bentley rolled up in front of the club. The three men stood and watched as the driver got out of the car and opened the back door. Out stepped Lester in an immaculate three piece suit and tie. He a nodded to his driver and the man returned to the driver's seat and drove off.

"I see you've brought us to the standard den of iniquity for you lot," groused Lester.

"Sorry guv," chuckled Danny. "Time to bring you down to the level of the working class. Didn't you have a stag night when you married your missus?"

Lester sighed and rolled his eyes. "I went hunting at Balmoral."

"Um hi?" said Connor nervously. "It's nice to see you... on me stag night."

"Indeed." Lester narrowed his eyes at the young man.

"Yes! Of course! We're pals, aren't we?" Connor suddenly felt about twelve years old, standing under the scrutiny of the head master.

Lester smirked, for once letting his stuff exterior soften. "Are you sure it's not because I'm the only one with enough money to get you in to this place?"

"Just part of the reason," added Danny. "We love yah, you're one of us." Danny went to throw his arm around Lester's shoulder and the older man took a step back.

"Not the suit," cautioned Lester. "Come along then. If I catch anything from the women in there..."

"It's not _that_ sort of place," explained Becker. "Look only, no touching. Besides, this isn't some sleazy dive. Only the best for Temple."

"Wow! Thanks guys," beamed Connor. Becker tossed his arm around his friend's shoulder and led him inside.

In short order the men were seated at a table watching the strippers dancing on stage and performing all sorts of phenomenal feats of strength and flexibility. Lester concentrated very hard on his snifter of brandy and tried to look as exasperated and disinterested as possible. If it wasn't for the fact that Connor had more or less saved humanity and the entire planet from Armageddon, he would've tried harder to get out of being here. Becker watched, somewhere between boredom and amusement, nursing a pint. He appreciated the titillating aspects of watching naked women dancing just a few feet away from him, but it wasn't his usual fare. Danny on the other hand was reveling in it, occasional letting out wolf whistles and clapping. Connor was hypnotized and well as on his way to being very drunk. He kept seeing Abby in every woman on stage and he wondered absently if she'd ever do a sexy dance for him.

"You know you what need?" Danny asked, clamping his hand down on Connor's shoulder.

"What's that?" Connor replied, his head lolling.

"Jägerbombs!"

Becker chuckled and shook his head. That was the _last_ thing Connor needed, but he wasn't about to get in the way of Danny's fun. One of the privileges of being the best man was to utterly humiliate and take advantage of the groom and Connor was ripe for the picking.

"What's a Jagerbomb?" Connor asked. Danny smirked and plonked one down in front of him.

"Drink it, all in one go," Danny ordered.

"I don't think I want to." Connor looked scared at the prospect. The drink looked revolting.

"Drink it or I'll tell Abby you told us about your sex life."

"But I haven't told you anything!"

"Not yet. Drink up. Don't be a coward."

Connor straightened and picked up the glass and stared at it for a few seconds before knocking it back.

!*!*!

_Five Jägerbombs later..._

"I fucked Abby with a banana once," Connor stated. Danny's beer went up his nose and he started choking. Becker sprayed his pint over the table and the bowl of peanuts. Lester, who was obviously starting to let his inhibitions down as evidenced by the loosening of his tie, snickered and rolled his eyes. Becker patted Connor on the back, who wobbled and swayed in his seat.

"And the fate of the banana?" Becker inquired. He wasn't about to let that lay there. Danny would've asked the question, but he was still gasping for breath.

"Hmmm? Oh... made an Abby Sundae. Lots of chocolate sauce and ice cream. Not that I needed it. Abby's pussy tastes like heaven. God, I wish Abby was here. I miss her." Connor reached for his pint but seem unable to grasp it, instead going for and missing several imaginary ones.

Danny recovered and placed Connor's drink in his hand for him. "Tell us, Connor, what was being alone with Abby in the Cretaceous Era like? Did you two get together pretty fast? You were the only people on Earth," inquired Danny.

The other men were listening intently now that Connor's tongue had been sufficiently loosened. They all knew they risked Abby's wrath if she ever found out, but this opportunity was too good to pass up.

"About two months in, things got heavy," said Connor gravely. He took a few gulps of ale before he continued. "We were shattered, depressed, scared, you name it. We just needed _something_ you know? We needed to be reminded that life was worth fighting for. We couldn't have sex of course, wouldn't want a baby in that horrible place, but we found other ways." Connor smiled, remembering.

"And... ?" Danny asked expectantly.

"Blow jobs. Lots of them. Every. Single. Day. Three or four sometimes. It wasn't all foraging for food and runnin' from creatures. There was a lot of down time. Sometimes she was just bored and wanted to suck me cock for the hell of it. Other times she was just being a sweet girl and giving me some love."

"After all that practice, she must be pretty good at 'em."

"Oh yeah! She's... she's... amazing. Takes me all the way down she does and then does this swallowing thing... fuck, I go off like a rocket. Could suck a tennis ball through a garden hose that girl! And her tongue, s'like a snake, twisting and curling around me." Connor's eyes glazed over and the men shifted uncomfortably in their seats, trying to get the image of Abby's tongue out of their heads.

"And what does Abby like?" Becker inquired nonchalantly, hoping Connor would keep talking if they didn't give him time to realize how much he was revealing.

"Abby... Abby, Abby, Abby..."

"That's right, your fiancée. What does Abby like?"

"Everything. _Everything_. There's nothing she won't try. Loves it from behind, or when she's tied to the bed, on the floor, in the bath. She liked toys too. She even likes it up her arse. Oh! Spanking. Abby loves being spanked. It's, like, her _favourite_ thing. And not just little love taps either. She likes a good hard wallop while I'm givin' it to her. She's not satisfied unless her arse is bright red for at least a day. And she's almost never satisfied with just one go. My girl is insatiable!"

"How insatiable?" Danny asked, leaning in closer. Even Lester was paying attention, though feigned being fascinated with his brandy.

"She needs it once a day minimum. And she's so tight, you'd think she'd want a rest to recover, but no, never. Girl can't get to sleep at night unless she's had a shag. Or two. Needs it the morning too. And the afternoon if there's time or opportunity. And the best part? She only wants _me_! She said so herself. Said I was the best she'd ever had _and_ that m'cock was the biggest one she'd ever seen!" Connor grinned like a goof and Danny guffawed.

"That so? How big we talking then?"

"I'm not showing you my penis!"

"And I don't want to see it!"

"None of us do," Lester piped up as he flagged down the waitress and ordered a double whiskey. He was quiet and feeling rather sleepy, but he was rather enjoying Connor making a fool of himself.

"Good. 'Cause I wasn't going to show yah. Abby says it belongs to her anyhow."

"Along with your bollocks," grumbled Lester, taking down his whiskey in one gulp as soon as the waitress placed it on the table.

"She likes those too. Especially biting them. She's real biter my Abby. I really wish she was here. I wanna fuck Abby right now. M'hard just thinking about her."

"All right, that's our cue!" Danny got up and between him and Becker, dragged a very drunk Connor through the club to a private room and deposited him in a chair and left him to himself. After a few minutes, he was starting to nod off, when a pair of hands settled on his shoulders. He opened his eyes and though the room was dark and his vision was hazy he recognized her.

"Abby?" he asked, smiling up at her.

"Sure, love, you can call me Abby," she spoke in a soft, lilting voice, stroking fingers across his jawline. "Your mates tell me you're getting married next week."

"Mmm hmm..."

"Well, it's time for one last bit of fun before you're put under lock and key eh?"

"What... what kind of fun? Abby, what's happening?" He looked up at her, with her blond hair and petite frame. He looked at her breasts as she peeled off her bikini top. Her more than ample bosom was mere inches from his face. He could have her nipple in his mouth if he wanted. He loved sucking on Abby's breasts and loved the sounds she made when he tugged on her nipples with his teeth. Only these breasts didn't look like Abby's. They were too big. "You're not Abby!"

"No, but we can pretend can't we?"

!*!*!

Becker, Danny and Lester all exchanged looks of confusion when the stripper emerged from the private room less than five minutes after going in.

"Your friend's under the table crying," she spoke as she breezed past them "I think he's had a bit too much to drink."

The three men exchanged looks and promptly burst out laughing, even Lester.

!*!*!

Abby was beginning to nod off and she debated whether or not she should just go to bed rather than wait up for Connor. Jess was long gone and it was way past midnight. She knew deep down that Connor was safe with Danny and Becker. When her cell phone rang she smiled, it was probably Connor checking in. She looked at her phone and sure enough, his name was flashing on the screen.

"Hello?" she spoke into the phone.

"Abby!" came Connor's panic filled voice. "Abby! Help me!"

She sat up straight, suddenly filled with worry. "Connor, what's wrong? Where are you? Where's Danny?"

"I don't know! They left me here!" His words were slurred and he was obviously drunk. He was also scared out of his mind.

"They left you?" _Danny Quinn was a dead man_. "What happened?"

"They did horrible things to me Abby! They made me drink something. It tasted like _anger_." What the hell? She was already on her feet, searching for her keys and shoes to wear.

"I'll come get you. Can you tell me your surroundings?"

"I'm hiding under a table and there's naked women everywhere and they keep trying to touch me!"

Abby paused, thought for a moment and then relaxed. "I think you're probably at a strip club, Conn."

"But they locked me in a room with one, she took her top off and assaulted me with her naked breasts and it was horrible! Please come help me Abby! I don't want to get raped!"

Abby tried her very best not to burst out laughing. He really was the most ridiculous drunk she'd ever seen. But he was genuinely frightened and off his head and she didn't want to make fun at his expense. She needed to get him back where he belonged, with her in the flat, where she could sober him up and assuage his alcohol fueled fears.

"Connor, sweetheart, you won't get raped. I promise. I need you get out from under the table and go find Danny or Becker."

"I can't Abby! I can't move. I think my legs are gone! Oh god, they took my legs."

Abby pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed heavily. "Connor, I'm going to hang up and call Danny."

"No! No! Please don't leave me Abby! If you hang up I'll disappear forever. I know I will."

"CONNOR! Calm down right now!" He immediately stopped his blubbering. He sniffled and Abby could tell he was holding back his tears. "Connor, I promise you'll be okay. No one will hurt you. I'm going to call Danny and he's going to bring you home. Okay?"

"O... o... okay Abby. I love you! I love you _so much_."

"I love you too Connor. It'll be okay." Abby disconnected the call and counted to ten before finding Danny's number and pressing _send_. After about thirty seconds of ringing, Danny finally answered.

"Hi Abby!" Danny said in his most cheerful voice.

"Don't you _hi_ _Abby_ me!" she seethed. "Get him out from under that table and bring him home RIGHT NOW!"

Danny cringed. "He called you?"

"Yes, he called me. What the hell did you make him drink?"

"He's fine, Abby, it was just a few Jägerbombs."

"You gave my Connor _Jgermeister_! I thought I told you no liquor!"

"Come on, it's his stag night!"

"Daniel Quinn, if you value your life you will have Connor home within the hour." Danny sighed. "Do not sigh at _me_! I trusted you to take care of him."

"He's just drunk, nothing more. Becker's trying to coax him out from under the table right now." She hung up on him. She was absolutely fuming. She didn't think she was an unreasonable shrew. She was just really protective of her fiancé. She'd come too close to loosing him too many times. Connor wasn't a delicate flower and could take care of himself under most circumstances. He was however a deeply sensitive man who trusted others so readily. He didn't have a malicious bone in his body and it was easy for people to take advantage of him, especially his friends. She knew that when Connor drank too much he got very sad and his self esteem plummeted. Twenty minutes after her phone call with Danny ended, a cab pulled up outside their flat. Abby rushed to the door just in time to see Connor crawling across the pavement towards her. She saw the top of Danny's ginger head hiding in the back seat. The cab sped away.

"COWARD!" she shouted as the black car disappeared around the corner at the end of the block. Connor reached her and grasped her ankles, nearly toppling her. She knelt down and grabbed his arms and hauled his dead weight up to his feet. He slumped against her and she had to drag him inside, kicking the door closed behind her.

"Abby? Is that you?" he slurred.

"Yes, Conn, it's me," she replied, exasperated but glad he was home.

"I think I'm blind, love. I can't see. The angry drink took my eyes. I'll never see a bird sing again!"

"Try opening them." She tossed him on to the couch and he opened his eyes. Upon seeing her he smiled.

"Hey there pretty lady." If he wasn't in so sad a state she'd have admonished him for letting himself get so out of control. She'd save that for the morning, when he had a colossal hangover. She sighed heavily and knelt down. She took his shoes off for him, then removed his hat and lastly peeled off his jacket and shirt. He was soft and malleable and needed to be put to bed. She was a little worried about him getting alcohol poisoning or asphyxiating, so in the end she decided the best thing was for him to fall asleep on the couch with her watching over him. It was going to be a long night. She left him for a moment to put on a pot of coffee. When she came back he was fumbling with getting his trousers off.

"Connor, honey, what are you doing?" she asked.

He swung his head in her general direction. "I need me kit off. Clothes feel wrong, like they're made of metal." He whimpered and fidgeted like a two year old.

"Connor, stop. I'll help." She tugged his trousers off, along with his boxers, leaving him sprawled naked on the couch as she went to prepare her cup of coffee. When she returned he had his hand around his cock and he was wanking himself. "What are you doing?"

"Gettin' hard for you, love. I know my girl needs a good seeing to before bed," he replied. He was an absolute mess and she was amazed that he could even manage an erection given the state he was in. But sure enough, with a little judicious stroking, his penis filled out and lengthened. She sighed. She could smell the alcohol on him from miles away and the last thing his poor head needed was to have all that blood rushing around, but on the other hand it was a shame to let such a fine hard-on go to waste. Given the state of him it probably wasn't going to last long either. "Come on, love, hop on!"

As she stripped her clothes off she tried to ignore her conscience telling her it was wrong to take advantage of him. Still, he deserved a little reward for being scared of strippers rather than enticed. She straddled him and shooed his hands away, replacing them with her own. She stroked up and down his length. He groaned loudly and settled his hands on her hips, urging her on to him. She positioned him at her entrance and eased herself down. She shuddered and gave herself a moment to adjust to his girth.

"Abby that feels _so_ good. I've been thinking about you all night," said Connor, grabbing on to the cheeks of her arse and digging his fingers in.

Abby smiled at him. He looked doleful and sleepy, but there was no mistaking the lust in his eyes or the aggression in his actions as he bucked his hips up into her. She gasped and shivered. She settled her hands on his shoulders and began to move herself up and down to meet his thrusts. Connor always got a little rough when he'd had a few drinks and this was no different. The sex was hard and dirty and they moved together without rhythm. Connor's grunts filled her ears as he pitched his hips up to slap hard against her while Abby moaned and cried each time they met. He watched her breasts bounce in front of his eyes and when he failed to latch on to one of her jiggling nipples, he settled for sinking his teeth into her flesh. Abby screamed and rode him harder. They were wild and animalistic and a few minutes after they'd started Abby seized and shook with a sharp and intense orgasm. Connor fucked her rapidly for several more thrusts before joining her and spilling his release deep inside her. Abby collapsed against his chest panting for breath and covered in a sheen of sweat. She kissed his throat and sighed. Even drunk off his arse, Connor was a great lover.

She was about to say something when his snoring halted her words. She looked up at his sweet face. He'd fallen asleep. She wasn't really surprised. She'd forgive him this time. She kissed his cheek and moved off him. She cleaned herself up and dressed again. She reheated her coffee and joined him on the couch. She covered him with a blanket and snuggled at his side with a book. He snored lightly and eventually tipped his head against hers, saying her name softly under his breath. Abby sipped her warm drink, and plotted her revenge on Danny Quinn.

The End


End file.
